Monday, January 7, 2008

The Non-Update Update

I'm on cd39 of ANOTHER anovulatory cycle. As frustrating as it is to go thru ANOTHER one of these, I'm trying really hard to just accept it. Because really, there isn't anything I can do about it.

I've managed to keep my thoughts busy with lots of other things for the last few days. Fortunately, we're starting to get busy at work, I've been working on my resolutions, Grumpy & I got quite a bit done over the weekend, and I have a pretty busy week ahead of me.

But when I let my mind quiet a bit, it always seems to fall back to the anger and frustration of a body that refuses to do what it's supposed to. A body that seems to take great delight in defying the laws of nature. A body that seems completely incapable of doing the 1 thing that it's sole purpose should be, and that is produce a life beyond mine. Those frustrations lead down the path to the "I'm broken" guilt, and the "What Have We Done to Deserve This" questions. And let's not forget each and every time I think about what a wonderful father my husband would be, and yet, I can't seem to make that happen.


So it's probably better I keep my thoughts occupied elsewhere.


Kaci said...

I'm sorry things aren't working out. I'm glad you're finding other things to occupy your thoughts...sounds like you're going to have a busy 2008!

nancy said...

Beth, I know you are taking your Met like a good girl. Seeing if that helps get your body under control. But are you planning on any other kind of ovulation induction?

nancy said...

btw - I should know this all already. I admit that.