Thursday, January 17, 2008

I'm in love... (possible trigs)

I met a very good friend of mine for lunch yesterday. It's something we "try" to do regularly, but are just getting to a point where we actually make it happen more than a couple of times a year.

This friend, she's been amazing. She & I met on message boards about 3.5 years ago, when we both were first starting down the path to creating families. Since then, our paths have taken drastically different turns. She's been successful at her family growing endeavors, and now has a sweet and handsome 2 year old little boy, and the most adorable 6 month old little girl I've seen in a very long time.

She and I talk on a daily basis, and she's been incredibly supportive of the struggles I've had (and still have). She and her husband have extended the offer of family to the GrumpyOne and I, referring to us as uncle and aunt. I spent the night with her little boy when it was time to have their daughter (and my God, did I enjoy that time!).

And yet, I've been unable to bring myself to go meet the (not so) new arrival. Newborns and infants have always been hardest for me to be around. Something about the helpless innocence of them, and the fact that they truly are dependent on their caregivers for everything... it's just too much for me. And my friend... she understands. How? I have no idea. I know that I'm always welcome there, the offer is always open. But, she never pushes, and never seems to be upset with me when I have to decline.

She instant messaged me yesterday morning, to let me know that her daughter was sick. Not so sick that she didn't want to take her out, but sick enough that she kept her home from daycare. My choices were to cancel/reschedule our lunch, or to meet the lil Miss. Although the offer was never verbalized, I know that my friend would have understood a decision to reschedule. But, I was having a pretty good day yesterday, so I said "what the hell, bring on the baby!".

From the moment I laid eyes on her sweet little face, tucked up under her little bear snow hat (complete with little bitty ears), I was in love. And when I sat her on my lap, and she grabbed a hold of my finger with her perfect little hands, I was completely done for. Absolutely, heart-breakingly, head-over-heels in love with that little girl.

Some day...... some day it'll be my little one reaching out to tug on my hair, or to leave their smudgy little fingerprints all over my glasses. Some day it'll be me that a little one screams for when they are frightened awake in the middle of the night. Some day it will be my husband laying on the couch with our little one falling asleep on his chest.

All I can hope is that some day comes soon.


Kaci said...

::sniff sniff::

Meredith said...

aww ::sniff sniff:: is right! I want to meet her and I can't wait to meet yours - praying for sooner than later.

Familyof2 said...


I wish you luck on your journey!

Anonymous said...

That blog was so sweet! I know that feeling of wanting your see your husband and for you to have those moments with your own. I am giving you a hug because that was just the sweetest blog. (HUGS)