Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Oh, the Choices

Well, not choices - more like choice.

I saw Dr. Voodoo yesterday for my follow-up appointment to the HSG (which he again confirmed came back fine, no worries with my tubes).

But then he asked if I wanted to give Clomid a try.


Yes, I do.

But, no - I don't.

I want kids, we want kids.

But is now really the time?

But, is there ever really a good time?

OK, but now is a potentially BAD time.

But, if we're not going to do this - I mean really DO this, than why the hell did I have surgery last year? And why did I go through 6 months of Lupron treatments?

But really - our finances are precarious at best (tho we're making it - some months I haven't the foggiest idea how, but we are).

But, again... I don't want last year to be a waste. And I'm WELL AWARE that Clomid is the teeny tiniest little step into "treatment". So teeny tiny that I honestly have a hard time even referring to it as treatment, but it is the next logical step for us. And the longer we put off doing something, the greater the chance that the endo will return severely enough that I'll need another surgery to clean it out.

But, Grumps and I agreed that we'd take the next 2 years and focus on him getting through school, while we both attempt to side hussle as much cash as we can to keep the overall financial picture improving (which, somehow, it is).

So, I told Dr Voodoo that although we weren't preventing a pregnancy, I wasn't really sure that this was the best time for us to actively seek one out. I told him that I'd need to talk to Grumps about it, and asked what kind of time frame we were looking at. Fortunately, he said that if we decide to give Clomid a whirl within the next month or 2, he can give me the script with just a phone call. Beyond that, he'd want to see me again before writing it.

I mentioned it briefly to the Grumps last night. I asked him to give it some thought, and told him that I will be doing the same. I figure sometime over the next week or so we'll need to sit down and have a conversation about it.

Part of me thinks it would be a good idea to figure out how I feel about it before we talk. But... well... that italicized part up there - that runs through my head about 400 times an hour.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Lost my voice

I'm still here - still living this life of mine. There are things going on - lots of them - but nothing seems blog worthy.

I don't have any news on the infertility front. My HSG was a couple of weeks ago, and it came back fine. My cycles seem to be "normal" since coming off the Lupron (ranging from 28 to 33 days), and I believe I'm ovulating regularly. Unfortunately, because of our current situation, there will be no "trying" to conceive. We're not preventing, but............ To be honest, the idea of getting pregnant right now terrifies me.

G's mom is doing miraculously well, and should be coming home tomorrow. She's still not 100%, but is much closer to it than any of us would have believed possible. Her feet are firmly planted on the road to recovery.

G's in school, and LOVING it. He just started looking at his options for next semester (to begin in May).

Our finances are - there. I'm freaked the fuck out about how we're going to get through the next 2 years. I keep telling myself that we will be ok, that we have always found our way through our financial issues before, and we will do it again. Plans have been altered, financial cushions are being padded to the best of our ability, and expenses are being cut to the minimums. Each day the same as the day before, and so it shall be until G has his degree.

And that's that. Wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, pay bills, clean, rinse and repeat. Throw in the family obligations, or the rare time with friends, and that's my life. Told you it isn't blog worthy.