Monday, January 19, 2009

The miracle med?

My appointment went well on Thursday. I had a nice chat with my GP, who quickly agreed that it was time to give some medication a try. One thing she said that really stuck with me...

No one would dare withhold insulin from a diabetic. I don't see why the same
doesn't hold true for Serotonin.

She wrote me a script for 50mg of Zoloft, with instructions to start the first few days at half a pill, just to ease myself into the medication.

I spoke with a friend Friday afternoon, who kindly asked about my appointment, and how I was feeling. I told her that I was certain it was either mind over matter or a placebo effect, but I actually felt significantly better on Friday, and again on Saturday. Unfortunately, Sunday I woke up to a killer sinus headache that stuck with me all day, and today I am sans headache, but back to "normal" emotionally (meaning my "not so fun" normal, not socially "acceptable" normal).''

I will say that taking the step to get help has lifted a weight. This is something that I've been considering for years, and haven't been able to move myself to do it. I don't yet know if this is the dosage or even the medication for me, but I do know that I've taken that first step down the path towards getting healthy. And I feel really good about that.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Taking the plunge

Or, maybe more appropriately - fighting my way out of the deep...

I called my GP today for an appointment. When the receptionist asked why I was coming in I replied with, "I need to get on an anti-depressant.".

So, for any of you that have been through this, do you have any advice for this appointment? Things to be aware of, questions to ask, anything?

I know I'll be asked about symptoms. I've been having all the textbook depression symptoms off and on for - oh - years now, but the last few months have been more on than off. I do have family history for clinical depression, and - let's face it, I've had a hell of a year. And although things seem to be getting "better", they are still in a significant amount of turmoil. Lots of changes in my household, in my head, and in my heart, and quite frankly, I need SOMETHING to help get me through it. SOMETHING that makes it a little easier to get out of bed in the morning, to put in a productive day at work, to make it not so terrifying to go out in the world, or to reach out to friends. SOMETHING that helps me get off the couch or out from under the covers without berating myself for HOURS about what a lazy, useless piece of shit I am. There's a pill for that, right?

My only med request is that we start with something that has a generic. Dad was on Prozac for a while, and had an awful time of it... HORRIBLE nightmares (Dad wouldn't admit to being afraid of much, but he was afraid of what that pill did to his dreams). I don't know if his problems would cause increased potential for me to have problems, but I will be sure to mention it to the doc.

My appointment is this Thursday, Jan 15th, in the afternoon. Any and all advice is appreciated.

And, if it's something you'd rather not discuss on a blog, leave me a comment and I can track you down via email.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Well, I survived!

Better than that, I think cousins night was a HUGE success! Everyone asked when we could do another one (which isn't going to be soon, unfortunately. trying to coordinate school breaks, work schedules, soccer, softball, band practice, etc etc etc is HARD!)

I was able to let go of my need to control EVERYTHING, and we all just hung out, watched movies, played games, laughed, and generally enjoyed each other. Don't think I could have asked for a better night! (Other than having the good sense NOT to try to sleep on the floor with all of them. What the hell was I thinking?)

I'm also surviving today. This would've been Dad's 80th birthday. I got a little teary eyed last night (over an episode of Scrubs of all things), but am holding it together ok today. I'd rather be home, but... oh well.

And, for anyone keeping track, today would have been testing day, but it's cd3. The good news is that last cycle was a textbook 28 days, so apparently Dr N is some kind of magical voodoo doctor or something, because I don't think I've had a 28 day cycle since I was on bcp.

This cycle, more good ol' fashioned "trying on our own". If it doesn't work, next cycle will be another HSG (my 3rd, for anyone keeping track), and then we'll have to see what happens after that. Personally, I'm leaning towards NOT getting into treatments right away, with the whole school/finances situation being what it is. And as long as the HSG comes out ok, and my cycle lengths stay normal, I don't see a reason to jump to treatments for a few months. Maybe I'll add in some temping or OPKs, but not much more than that until summer. Or, at least that's my line of thinking right now...