10 Weeks?

That's where the calendar says I'm at. 10 weeks pregnant. If that's not the most surreal thing I've ever typed here, I don't know what is.

I'm discovering another problem with my infertility experience. I'm not suggesting this is a problem EVERYONE would encounter. Just one that I am, and I'm struggling with it. So, I figure if I am, someone else may, too. And this whole community thing is supposed to be about sharing experiences and all that, so here goes.

My 5 and a half years of infertility and one BIG, GIANT EFFECT (well, one that is bothering me NOW, anyway), and that is it allowed me to over romanticize the whole notion of pregnancy.

Granted, I did get to take the surprise test, and make the surprise announcements. And, truth be told, that was pretty "sunshine and roses and fairy-tale-esque" (I'm gagging myself, so I'm sorry).

But, in those 65 ish months of trying, of WANTING this, I was able to completely gloss over the possibility that IF I were to get pregnant, perhaps I would be one of those women that pregnancy wouldn't agree with.

And - it turns out - I am.

I'm not violently ill or anything. I'm still able to work (most of the time, a full day, too). I completely and fully recognize that it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.

I also recognize that I am sounding like one of those ungrateful bitches that we all love to bash, but dammit, its my blog, and I'll whine if I want to.

I guess the best way I can explain my symptoms is that it's like I've been on the verge of some kind of stomach virus.... for 5 weeks now. I'm tired and achey (and whiney!) and nauseated, and feel like I should never ever be more than about 5 steps away from a place that I could "shout groceries" in private. Fortunately there hasn't been a whole lot of actual grocery shouting, but to feel on the verge - all the damn time - is a less than ideal way to live.

Gah... waaaah waaaah bitch bitch moan moan... I'm tired of writing this, I can't imagine how sick you are of reading it.

Preggo-bitch, Out!

A Month(ish) In Review

Lordy Lordy, this last month or so has been crazy! Bare (or is it bear?) with me while I sum up!

My Mom, after a ridiculously UNspectacular fall (she missed the last step on the staircase into the basement) resulting in ridiculously spectacular injuries (7 breaks in 5 bones, including both ankles and a foot), is well on her way to recovery! She's down to 1 plaster cast and 1 cam-walker, has tossed the wheelchair, and is MUCH happier have regained at least a bit of her independence. Mom, her dog, and her cat have been staying with Grandma (the most wheelchair friendly house in the family), and it seems as though they're having a grand ol' time together!

Grandma had another bout with her cellulitis, resulting in a 4 day hospital stay and a 2 week course of at home iv antibiotics. Fortunately, she's also doing much better!

Grump's Mom has been diagnosed with a different, incredibly aggressive, and incredibly rare, form of cancer. She's been hospitalized since Oct 5, and honestly isn't doing very well. BUT, with a smidgen of silver lining in the mix, it looks as though she may be able to come home this week. Grumps has been spending as much time as possible with his Mom, as the doctors have warned us that we're not looking at a possible cure here, they're simply treating what they can in an effort to extend the amount of time she has left. Unfortunately, the unit of measure we're working with here is months....

And, somehow, in the midst of all that craziness, I managed to get pregnant! The old fashioned way! I'm a little over 9 weeks now, and other than "morning" (HA! All day, I say!) sickness, things seem to be progressing just fine. I got Dr confirmation last Thurs, have announced to the immediate family, and now finally felt comfortable putting it out here in to blogland.

And that is where I've been the last month!

Thankful Thursdays

Yes, I know, its been awhile - but.... I'm here now!

This weeks Thankful list:

1. The Grumps made the Dean's List!
2. Mom is settled @ Grandma's with her 2 casted, broken ankles, and seems to be adjusting ok.
3. I've gotten the opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, and now get to call him a good friend!
4. It's fall! Cool breezes, clear blue skies, and pretty soon the leaves will be changing color.
5. Almost soup season!

Anyone need Lessons?

If anyone out there needs lessons on how to help/manage their parents through a medical crisis, I think I'm about to be pretty damned qualified to give them!

My Mom fell on Saturday, in an incredibly spectacular way. She was walking into the basement with a laundry basket, and thought she had reached the bottom step. Unfortunately, she was 1 step up. 2 broken ankles and a broken foot (7 fractures in 5 bones total) + LOTS of ligament damage = surgery today.

She'll be in the hospital for a couple of days, and then staying with family for a while after that. I'll be bouncing between my house, her house, and Grandma's house (where she will be staying).

Prayers for my patience and sanity are always welcome, but are actually NEEDED right now!

Feel the Fur Love!

It's been awhile since you've seen the kittens, so I thought I'd give you a peek!

They will be 6 months tomorrow, and are FREAKING HUGE! Bob, in the blue collar, with his little paw over his sister, is 8.2 lbs. Izzie, in the red collar, is 7.8 lbs.

We've resigned ourselves to being the house with 2 20lb cats.

They're trouble, and crazy energetic, and mischevious, and maddening... but they're sweet, and cuddly, and adorable, and affectionate, and talkative. We're so glad we got them!

That Old Familiar Feeling

It used to be a constant, dull ache that wasn't usually noticed, but never really went away, either. Silly me had gotten almost confident enough to say that for now, I've gotten beyond it.

And then?

Then that stupid bitch that is infertility sucker punched me in the gut.

I was getting our dinner ready on Saturday when there was a knock at the door. It's back to school season, which - at least in our neighborhood - means door-to-door fundraising season. The magazine subscriptions are easy to refuse, and we can usually manage to not "sign up" for anything. But, the Grumps and I both have a sweet tooth, so those overpriced candy bars are hard to say no to, especially when the seller is about the cutest little nervously grinning kid you've ever seen!

So, Grumps opens the door, agrees to buy some candy, and goes in search of singles (those kids NEVER have change, and we DO NOT NEED $20 worth of candy bars, nor are we rolling in it in ways that would allow me to have the kiddo "keep the change"), leaving the front door open enough for the Kaylah girl to wedge her furry little head out to see the kids.

And oh the squeals! of delight! and excitement!

Grumps, being the softy that he is, immediately opens the door so that Kaylah can go visit with her newest fan club members (we actually have kids in the neighborhood that come over to ask if she can come out and play). He then steps outside with her to chat with the mom and 3 kids that are now fighting over "who Kaylah loves the most".

Almost an hour later, he finally makes it back inside with a VERY TIRED PUPPY. And all I could think was that it should be OUR fucking kids that our dog is so excited to play with. Why the FUCK isn't it our kids?

Fucking sucker punch!

Desperately Seeking....

Serenity? Well, kind of, but that's not quite right...

Sanity? Close, but again, not quite right...

Simplicity! Ding ding ding, winner!

This last trip up north solidified it for us. We are not urban, or even suburban, people. We crave the peace and quiet that comes with not being able to see (or hear!) your neighbors, and of being able to tend to a garden without worrying about breaking some bullshit city ordinance. We fit in a place where "going for a walk" means spending an hour travelling the perimeter of your own property, instead of your neighborhood.

It's going to take some time, and planning, and sacrifice. But, we have a definitive goal in mind. In about 16 months, when Grumps has his degree and is fully certified to work anywhere in the state (and many other states, for that matter), we'll be looking for a new area to call home. Not necessarily a new state, but most definitely a new area...

The simple life is good for our souls, and we need to make it our everyday!