Tuesday, May 6, 2008

not going anywhere

Thank you ladies, for all of your kind words on my last post. I'm here to stay.

I suppose I'm just frustrated. Tired of being stuck in this place of wanting to try (treatments, ol' fashioned "trying", something), and not being able to. I've been stuck here for 3 months - with another 4-6 to go, and it's already getting old. I just wish this wasn't all so fucking hard. Wish that I had an answer - some "easy button" to fix it. Really, I wish that our checkbook wasn't such a big factor in all of this.

I know the argument - the one that says "if you can't afford treatment, how in the world do you expect to afford kids". In a way, I agree with the logic behind it. I won't even BEGIN to guess how expensive raising little ones will be, and how that will impact our overall financial picture. But, the way I see it, that expense is spread out over a long, LONG term. And its guaranteed. If you have children, you have to clothe and feed them. You have to pay doctors co-pays for vaccines, and well-baby visits, and sick-baby visits. You have to buy car seats and cribs and high chairs, and and and ad nauseum. But, there's a real live PERSON that you're doing it all for.

$15k for a CHANCE at a real live person? In an economy that's failing? With property values dropping so fast it's making my head spin? With a husband working in the manufacturing industry? Not exactly a picture that makes me want to go take out a loan, ya know?

Patience, grace, strength, and peace Lord. Please help me to find patience, grace, strength, and peace.