Monday, December 10, 2007

I'm a terrible infertile...

I have this friend, who's a bit older than I. By about 4 years. And she's nearing that "scary age" as far as fertility goes. You know, the one where you cross over into needing more "aggressive" treatment, and you automatically become "high risk"? Yeah, that age.

So, this friend of mine, has never, ever, EVER been interested in kids. Always put her very demanding career ahead of baby-making. That was the choice that she & her hubby made, and they were happy with it.

Well now, it seems that SHE has changed the plan. SHE has decided (without his knowledge or input) that SHE wants to have a baby next year. So SHE tossed her birth control. Because SHE is a believer that "the pill" has been the ONLY key to NOT getting pregnant.

Here's where me being the terrible infertile comes in...

I heard of her decision (from another mutual friend), and had a haughty little laugh to myself. "As if it's THAT easy... muwahahaha"

And then I find myself fearing that maybe, for her, it will be that easy. Maybe, despite her age, and her prior lack of interest (really, she's not wanted kids at all, up until this recent change of heart), it WILL be that easy for her. And maybe I'll have to deal with another person in my real world, who starts TTC after me (or doesn't start at all) reach the goal before me, even though we've been at it for over 3 and a half years, and this is the ONE THING that I've ALWAYS wanted to do with my life. And maybe I'll be stuck at the starting gate, again, watching as someone else reaches the finish line, again...

whine whine, bitch bitch, mope mope.... pity party anyone?


nancy said...

That second thought always comes after that first thought. "heh, like it'll happen easy for you. Holy shit, it could happen easy for you". I have thought those two thoughts with almost every "We're going to try to get pregnant" announcement I've ever been faced with.

And unless they are over 40, they could very well fall into the 85% group vs our 15% group (85% of couples don't have a problem getting pregnant).

Ugh. Sorry.

chicklet said...

I've had that same laugh and then those same worries - you're not terrible, you're just real. HOpefully for her it is easy, hopefully for you, it's not TOO easy and it takes a few months:-)

However, if it is too easy, I'll hate her right along with you!

Tigger said...

Been there - I actually cursed someone mentally with IF! That was early in the game, but she'd made a really insensitive comment and my brain just snapped and thought "I sincerely hope you have trouble getting pregnant when you start trying, just so you'll know what it's like". This same person has done several other things any time I'm near her and it's only DH's presence that keeps her from getting bitched at. :)

Giggles (from my blog) also decided that she's not ready to have a child again and isn't planning on having one until she's in her late 30's - but it will be easy for her, she says. As if she's learned nothing from being in my home?

It's perfectly normal (I think) for us to have these thoughts. After all we've been through, our outlook on pregnancy (and getting there) is just a LITTLE bit jaded. We know how it is, how it can be. (HUGS) (and sorry for the rant above...didn't mean for it to do that)