Wednesday, October 3, 2007

infertility & a "healthy" sex life

please tell me we're not the only ones out there feeling like this...

Grumpy & I are, I think, a pretty typical couple when it comes to our sex life. Or, should I say, we've found something that works pretty well for us, typical or not. See, we're a pretty standard "once or twice a week" kind of couple, and we're both good with that.

well, for the last 3 and a half years, we've been told that we have to up that. told by our own common sense, told by my ob/gyn, by the RE, by friends, by everyone that seems to think they know a thing or 2 about making babies. here's where the problems come in:

first, neither one of us are really into "doing what we're told". call us rebels, call us idiots, but that's really the gist of it. I tell him I need him to help me paint the bedroom, he'll instead paint the garage. if he asks me to go grocery shopping, I'll do laundry. it's just the way we roll

then there's the med side effects that we deal with. between the ugly Met side effects (that are MUCH MUCH MUCH better, but still have me feeling a little "off"), and the side effects of some other meds that we're dealing with... well, let's just say it can take some of the "fun" out of things.

and finally, the thing we ALL have to deal with... scheduled "baby making" sex. it's a pain in the ass! (and not in any remotely good way, lol) how do we "get the job done" without feeling like its a job? how are we supposed to comfortably and happily turn our twice a week romps into daily romps for, oh... 10 days straight (courtesy of my irregular ovulation and long cycles)?

I must say, I'm sure that this is a bigger issue for us than for many other folks out there. and I'll admit that I probably make a bigger deal out of it than it has to be (have we noticed yet that I do that sometimes?). But, see... last year, as we were RUNNING down the road towards a divorce, one of the major issues that came up was him feeling like a "sperm donor", and I'm ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED to come anywhere close to territory that may cause those concerns to resurface.

I'm scared to act on what I KNOW we need to do (especially this week, as I approach the cd20 mark, which is when doc & I suspect/hope I might o), when acting on it brings me into very insecure territory.

ugh... sorry for the rambling nonsense folks. I just had to put it out there


Kaci said...

Dang it - you know I'm solution woman, and I hate not having anything helpful to offer. Maybe aim for every other day instead of every day? I guess my "advice" would be to try to keep it as romantic as you can, even if both of you know it's for baby making?

What about going on to IUI? That would let your sex life still be pretty spontaneous. I know that has the potential to make him feel even more like a sperm donor though, but it's for a good cause - it's something you both want, not like you would be pushing him into for just you.

BethH6703 said...

IUI is an option Kaci, but not one to go into lightly... It'll mean regular RE appts, prob meds, early morning spank sessions (which, altho he did them willingly, we're never really on his list of favortie activities), and a significantly higher emotional and financial investment.

Certainly something to keep in mind, and quite likely something we'll go for in a few months (prob after the busy season).

Thanks for the comment!

nancy said...

Hey! ~WE~ just did it 10 days in a row! (lol - which never happens) and what I liked about it was the first half of that time, didn't make any difference. We knew it and we still did it. Then, once it started going on for days and days, it was kinda fun to keep it going. We ended it with BDing, we didn't start with it. And I really think it helped!

But, I understand your plight and I don't know how to help it. Forcing more might make it worse, so stick with what is fun, even if it's a little on the lower side (for babymaking - not for being a married couple!)

BethH6703 said...

Thanks Nancy... Not sure there is an actual "solution" to this one. Just needed to put it out there, ya know?

Becky said...

Can you try OPK? That would help since your cycles are so irregular. I'm sore just thinking of 10 straight days :). I do know what you mean though, turning BD into a chore is another reason I don't look forward to ttc again.

BethH6703 said...


I've been hesitant to try OPKs again since I've never, EVER gotten a + on one, and we're really trying to watch our cash right now. BUT, those few dollars a cycle may well be worth my sanity, lol. I think I just might hit the good ol' $ Tree today at lunch.

Here's hoping you're lucky enough to not have to "try" again. You know as well as anyone that this "trying" thing isn't nearly as fun as fertile myrtle's think it would be.

Kim said...

If you find the solution PLEASE let me in on it. We have the same issues. We had sex 6 out of 7 days this cycle and finally hubby said enough.
Oh, how his friends would laugh!

And yes, the candy exchange w/ Mel is great!

chicklet said...

This: "neither one of us are really into doing what we're told" is sooooo us. As soon as we HAVE to do anything, we DON'T want to.

andrea_jennine said...

I second the suggestion to try every other day instead of daily; that's what they recommend for couples with male factor, so it can't really lessen your chances that much, right? Also, what if you put the ball more in your husband's court by telling him when the fertile window is ("10 days, starting now!") and then asking him to initiate sex as often as possible? He might feel less like a sperm donor that way...