101 Things

I've seen these all over the blogosphere, so I thought I'd start one of my own. It'll prob take me a while to actually get it done, but if I never start I'll never finish, so here goes.

1. I'm half Italian, half mutt (English, Scottish, Irish, French-Canadian, Native American, German, etc); but when asked, I consider myself Italian.
   
   
2. I wish I could cook a LOT better than I can. Actually practicing might improve that (improves most other things, right?)
   
   
3. I threw an elementary school spelling bee qualification because I was too shy to stand up in front of the whole school & parents & administrators to compete in the school-wide contest. (I misspelled hammer, adding a 3rd "m".)



4. I smoke, and I hate it, but I haven't yet been able to quit on my own.
   


5. I can't function properly without a morning shower, and at least 1 cup of coffee.
   


6. I put more of this in my coffee than should be allowed by law.
   


7. I believe in God, but am anti-organized religion. My take on it is that each person's relationship with God (or lack thereof) is their own business.
   


8. I graduated HS as an honor student, and walked away from a scholarship at a state university because I thought my high school sweetheart was "the one", and I didn't want to live 3 hours from him.
   


9. I think I'll kick myself FOREVER for #8.
   


10. I miss my Grandpa... every day.
    


11. I think I talk to him more now than I did when he was only a phone call away.
    


12. He still gives the best advice I've ever gotten.
    


13. I'm terrified of never getting to be a Mom.
    


14. I over-talk things to the point that it drives my husband nuts, but I only verbalize about 10% of what I think.
    


15. I think that I think too much. What do you think?
    


16. My "win the lottery" dream is to buy at least 50 acres of land in northern Michigan, and to build a house right in the middle of it. That way I only have to see people when I want to, rather than listening to their daily bullshit outside my kitchen window.
    


17. I am a VERY nervous car passenger, but I do my best to not let it show.
    


18. I'm good at saving money.
    


19. I married a man that LOVES to spend money.
    


20. That's not a great combination, and sometimes it makes us want to strangle each other.
    


21. As much as I love my kitty, I don't know if I'll own another one. I'm a dog person.
    


22. Oh, and I hate the litter box.
    


23. I work at a job with absolutely no advancement potential, that I really don't like anymore.
    


24. I stay for 3 reasons: 1) I work for my husband's family. 2) Once we have kids, I know I'll have the flexibility to work fewer hours. 3) I work 1.5 miles from my home.
    


25. When hubby goes out of town, I sleep with the lights and TV on, the cordless phone and my cell phone on the bed, and the dog on the floor next to me. And I triple check the deadbolts on all 3 doors.
    


26. I don't like when hubby goes out of town (even though I sometimes think the break is good for us).
    


27. I wish I were less judgmental.
    


28. I'm really trying to work on that.
    


29. I have made (with the help of family) homemade Italian sausage, tomato sauce, pasta, ravioli, and about a dozen varieties of Italian cookies.
    


30. My favorite memories of those marathon family cooking sessions include teaching my younger cousins how to clean the natural sausage casings (the boys loved that), and teaching them how to "snot" ravioli (seal the edges with egg wash). Good times!
    
    
31. I have never colored my hair, and hope to never have to (but as I see more grey coming in, I'm slowly letting go of that hope).
    


32. The number 11 runs rampant through my Mom's side of the family. Mom is the oldest of 5 siblings. The youngest is 11 years younger than her. I am the oldest of my generation, and am 11 years younger than my youngest aunt. The next 1st cousin from me is 11 years younger than I am. There is another 1st cousin further down the line that is 11 years younger than her. Let me see if I can simplify that... Mom - 11 years = Aunt P. Aunt P - 11 years = Me. Me - 11 years = cousin G. Cousin G - 11 years = cousin J.
    


33. The number 27 runs like that through my Dad's side, but to a lesser degree. Dad is 27 years older than Mom. Dad's parents we're also 27 years apart. My oldest sister (from Dad's 1st marriage) is 27 years older than me.
    
    
34. I briefly substituted on a Midget Racing pit crew. I was the stats girl.
    


35. Hubby and I have doomed the language skills of our future children. We mispronounce lots of things, just for fun. Examples: "Yemonade", "Mazagine", "Merote" (as in remote control), "Beeyankie" (for blanket). Most of these have a cute story behind them (at least to us), but I still feel guilty about the damage we're causing to our yet-to-be-conceived kids.
    


36. I make "the best brownies EVER", according to a friend of mine.
    


37. I disagree with her, as I have another friend who makes far better brownies than me!
    


38. I have a horrible habit of giving assvice, but I'm working to break it.
    


39. The endo surgery I had in '04 left a scar that looks like a c-section scar... same placement, same size, just no baby to show for it.
    


40. Hubby's business, "Grumpy's Garage", is a repair facility. Basically, he'll fix anything with an engine. I handle the books (duh, I work in accounting), and have the title of "Business Bitch".
    


41. I gave myself that title.
    


42. I love love LOVE cookbooks, but they must have lots & lots of pictures. My food never looks like it does in the picture, but I have to have some visual of what I'm working towards.
    


43. I am TERRIBLE at anything having to do with spacial relations. Hubby is a machinist, and can tell if a picture is hanging 3/100ths of an inch off center from 20 feet away. I let him manage those things.
    


44. I can give you a pretty damn accurate verbal inventory of the groceries we have on hand (not including condiments... I suck at condiments) at any given moment.
    


45. The smell of beer disgusts me (courtesy of a VERY drunken afternoon when I was 15).
    


46. Me & Mike are good friends.
    
    
47. My mother-in-law thinks I'm allergic to onion. I'm not, but I let her think that, because it's easier than explaining that I just don't like raw onion (she loves it).
    


48. We just bought a camper (read about it here), and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED I can't see straight!!!
    


49. I am 5 years and 1 week younger than the Grumpy One (that would be hubby).
    


50. I have a tendency to get sucked in to pyramid schemes. In fact, I'm still an inactive consultant for this and this.
    


51. I had my 1st cavity when I was 21.
    


52. That's also when I got glasses for the 1st time, and when I found my 1st grey hair.
    


53. I blame hubby for all of those things (and he lets me).
    
    
54. I would much rather graze on munchies & nibbles than eat an actual meal. Some of my favorites are tortilla chips & queso, pita with hummus, crackers with cheese spread, spinach dip with french bread, etc.
    


55. I very rarely get sick, but I take lots of "sick days" at work.
    


56. I'm a $ nerd... so much so that I have a spreadsheet for our Christmas shopping. I track who we're buying for, what ideas we have, what we're budgeting, what we actually buy, how much we actually spend, when we've completed their gift, and when it's wrapped.
    


57. I enjoy getting Christmas cards, but am too lazy to send them.
    


58. I live today in the same suburban city that I've lived in all my life, and that my Mom has lived in all her life.
    


59. The GrumpyOne & I traveled to Italy with my Mom & grandparents to visit my family there (that I had never met). We pulled the trip together (including getting passports) in less than 2 weeks. It's the biggest, most spontaneous thing I've ever done, and I LOVED IT! We had an incredible time, and talk about it frequently.
    


60. That trip is the reason my hubby refuses to ever travel with my Mom again.
    


61. I have lots of other reasons that I shouldn't travel with her, but it's hard to refuse an all expenses paid trip to Italy!
    


62. My parents separated when I was 15, but didn't divorce until I was 28.
    


63. I absolutely LOVE Christmas ornaments. We already decorate 1 full sized tree and 1 miniature tree, but if I'm not careful with the ornament addiction we'll need another tree!
    


64. I worked myself into such a frenzy before my first HSG that I was too freaked out to even walk by myself into the hospital. Afterwards, I felt fine, but couldn't let onto Hubby what a wimp I had been.
    


65. I went on a cruise with family (34 of us total) when I was 15. Gloria Estefan & her family were on the same cruise, and my aunt & I spent a 3 hour drive back from an excursion talking to them. I don't remember much detail, but I remember thinking how "normal" she seemed, lol.
    


66. After a very, very rough few months, I fell in love with hubby all over again when he took me to Kenny Chesney's concert, and we slow-danced in the concession area of the arena.
    
    
67. When I was in 1st grade, I cracked my head open on the corner of an art room table, requiring 4 stitches. Those are the only stitches I've ever had. (My surgical incision was closed with glue.)
    


68. I really enjoy reading, especially crime or courtroom drama. My current favorite authors are John Grisham and John Lescroart
    


69. 3 movies I can watch over & over & over again: My Cousin Vinny, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Exocist.
    


70. I own a KitchenAid Classic stand mixer, but I'm afraid to use it.
    


71. Hubby & I take a Christmas light drive every year, and I think that's my favorite night of the season. We take big ol' mugs of coffee, listen to Christmas music, and drive all over the Metro area looking at decorations. This is the "big money" part of our Metro area, and they have some unbelievable decorations there!
    
    
72. I have never broken a bone (but have had more twisted or sprained ankles than I even want to try & count).
    
    
73. I am my own generation, on both sides of my family. On Mom's side, I'm smack in the middle between her generation and the rest of my generation. On Dad's side, I'm the same age as my 1st cousins' grandchildren. If you look at ages, I don't seem to fit.
    
    
74. I am a member of the local chapter of this volunteer organization, and have been for over 7 years now.
    
    
75. I took a speed reading class in high school. Although I can't read as quickly as I used to, I can still easily get through a 250-300 page book in a day (if it sucks me in), with close to 100% comprehension.
    
    
76. I played slow pitch softball throughout elementary school, holding every position at some point during my 6-year organized sports career.
    


77. Hubby & I have had names picked out for our future kids for YEARS. We have 2 boy names decided, our first will be Jacob Marcel, and our 2nd Daniel Paul. We have Rose for a girl's middle name, but are still debating on a first name. Choices are currently Madelyn or Morgan.
    
    
78. Each of the middle names listed above is a family name. Marcel for Hubby's paternal grandfather; Paul for my maternal grandfather & father, and hubby's father; Rose for my maternal great-grandmother & aunt.
    
    
79. Yes, I've always pictured us having 3 kids, boy then girl then boy. Would be nice if we could get started on it, huh?
    
    
80. I can't believe how hard it is to come up with 101 trivia type things about myself. If you've read this far, I hope you're not bored to tears (but wouldn't be offended if you are).
    
    
81. I have never been stung by a bee (or hornet, or wasp, or any other stinging thing), and am absolutely terrified of them.
    
    
82. Of the 350 or so people we *should* have invited to our wedding (I come from a BIG Italian family, with more cousins then I want to try to count), we got away with having the small intimate wedding of our dreams, with less than 50 guests.
    
    
83. It was very important to both of us to have only people that were important in our lives, those that we knew would be their to support our marriage when it needed it and celebrate it when we could, attend our wedding. For the most part, I think we pulled that off flawlessly.
    
    
84. Because of how small the wedding was, we were able to have the ceremony in a quiet wedding chapel (he was raised Catholic, I was raised Presbyterian, but neither of us are "religious" as adults), we had the dinner at a local restaurant that has always been special to us, and afterwards we rented a boat to take a cruise along the Lake St. Clair shoreline and onto the Detroit river. It was PERFECT.
    
    
85. We honeymooned at Walt Disney World, in Florida, driving down & staying for a week. The entire trip was 10 days long, and it's the only vacation we've taken (in almost 11 years) that we didn't bicker at all!
    
    
86. Of the travelling I've done, Italy was by far my favorite vacation destination. I hope to someday be able to go back, and spend about a month touring the country, with a week at the end spent in Sicily with family.
    
    
87. Over the next few years, I hope to take our camper and stay in ALL of the state parks in Michigan.
    
    
88. Once we've seen all of our state, I want to branch out, and eventually camp in each of the 48 continental US states.
    
    
89. I hate my ears, and have often considered having plastic surgery to "pin them back".
    
    
90. I love to play cards & board games, and can easily spend an evening at my Grandma's playing rummy with her. Family functions often involve 10 or so of us (adults & kids) around her dining room table in the basement, playing Sequence, Apples to Apples, or the latest game one of the kids got. On Christmas we sometimes go through 3 or 4 new games received that day.
    
    
91. This love of card games extends to hubby's family as well. We will often spend a weekend evening at his parents house, having dinner and then playing Michigan Rummy (often called Tripoley) or Euchre.
    
    
92. My favorite fast food restaurant is Taco Bell, and I could easily eat it once a week or more.
    
    
93. I check in on all of the blogs in my blogroll at least once a day, and sometimes more often (if the daily-ish updaters haven't updated when I check them in the morning).
    
    
94. I have a second blog, and even tho it doesn't get much "outside traffic", I usually do something with it a couple times a week. If you take a peek, you can see what it's about.
    
    
95. I absolutely love fire, and water. My ideal evening would be spent with Hubby, sitting in front of a bonfire, in front of the river, drinking our cocktails of choice & watching the boats go by.
    
    
96. I am a very impatient person most of the time, but am trying really hard to ease up a bit on my "I want it and I WANT IT NOW" attitude.
    
    
97. I ADORE pumpkin pie! I can sit down with a pumpkin pie, a can of Reddi Wip, and a fork, and eat half a pie in one sitting! (Can you say glutton?) Grumpy & I generally go thru 3-4 pies every year between Halloween & Christmas, in addition to all of the pumpkin pie we eat at holiday dinners. Yummy yummy in my tummy!
    
    
98. In high school, I worked at Burger King, Imperial Sports, Chuck E Cheese, and Murray's. I feel like I learned a lot at Murray's, and best of all, that's where I met Hubby.
    
    
99. When I was in 2nd grade, I won 2nd prize in a Halloween costume contest at my church. Mom had made me a red crayon costume, and I remember being thrilled that I won 2nd prize instead of 1st, since the red ribbon matched my costume!
    
    
100. The email adress I use most frequently, and my instant messenger ID, have my maiden name in them, even though I've been married for over 4 years now. I want to change them, but don't want to go thru the hassle of changing them.
     
     
101. I didn't think I was cut out for this blogging thing, but I really do enjoy it. I'm not nearly as talented as many of the bloggers that I read regularly, but it feels pretty amazing to be part of this community. And it gives me such an incredible release, to be able to document my thoughts, and get feedback on them.

exposed

do you ever feel like you've exposed too much of yourself, of your personal struggle, to some people? and maybe not enough to other people? if so, how do you reconcile the situation?

sometimes I feel like this blog, and some of the more open conversations I have with people IRL, reveal a little too much. unfortunately, I don't have this realization until after the fact. instead of being able to ask myself "do I want to share this?", I find my self asking "why did I just say that?".

I have a friend that I absolutely adore. she's a bit older (old enough to be my mother, in fact), and thus comes from a generation that was even more tight-lipped about fertility (or lack thereof). she had "difficulty" conceiving, and it took her and her husband "awhile" before they got pregnant with her 1st. And that's all she's been comfortable telling me.

unfortunately, it seems the more I let her in on our progress, the more she wants to know. and sadly, she just doesn't "get it". in her eyes, anything beyond "good ol' fashion sex" translates to ivf (and I don't even want to think about the kind of opinions her old school old religion mind has about that!). she's openly supportive, but I often find myself wishing I had just told her we'd have kids "someday".

on the flip side of that, I've kept our journey pretty private from my family. they know that we're trying, that we want kids badly, and that we're "having some difficulty". they also know, to varying degrees, about my surgery. (my uncles know that I had surgery, my aunts know that I had a cyst removed, some of them know it was related to endo... all depends on how interested they seemed in the details).

I've kept it from family as we've always been pretty quiet about health related stuff (barring things like cancer, heart disease... the "big stuff"), and I come from a household where privacy is valued above almost all else, including the unconditional support of a loving and caring family.

but I've been letting family in, in bits & pieces. they were aware of the problems that Grumpy & I had last year (I stayed with an aunt for the few weeks that he & I separated), and were AMAZING. Since we've been back together, not one of them has treated Grumpy any differently than they did before we had our "bump in the road". each time I open the door a little bit, I'm more & more impressed by the strength of the love within this extended family of mine. it makes me want to throw the emotional door wide open, and let them ALL in, yet I know I won't do that. eventually, maybe it'll all be out there. but to do it all in one shot, that's still too much for me.

on a related note, I'm ashamed to say that I've been unable to wear my pomegranate bracelet. It sits at home on my dresser, and I stare at it every day, thinking that it just might be the day that I feel strong enough to put myself out there, to be recognized. And yet, there it sits. I fully believe in the intended purpose of the bracelet... the sense of community, the opening of a true dialogue... and yet I still can't open my heart to the exposure of being "outed". Still a little too painful to admit that I'm here, I suppose.

obsession junkie?

I've not posted much in the last week or so because my mind has been on other things. With the camper purchase, and all the odds & ends that go with it (insurance, title transfer, registration, blah blah blah), my mind has really not been on TTC at all lately.

I must say, its been a very nice distraction. I wish that we had timed it during a 2ww, but it's a good distraction nonetheless. Which got me thinking...

Is it really a distraction, or just a new obsession?

Seems as tho my mind "works best" when it can completely focus on 1 thing, for ridiculously extended amounts of time. Sure, there have been other distractions over the last 3.5 years, some good and some bad, and yet, my mind always comes back to this obsession over kids. Or cycles. My chart. A new med. The next procedure. You get the idea.

I guess I'm just wondering when the obsession will end. Will getting pregnant stop it, or just transform it into something new? What about labor? First steps? First day of school? The discussion about siblings?

How do I calm this obsessive mind of mine? I feel as tho I'm doomed to always have something - anything - in my life that feels mentally and emotionally "all consuming". And to be honest, that's really scary. And it certainly can't be healthy.

So, seriously folks, how do I learn to calm my mind? Or at least refocus it into "obsessions" that I have more control over, that bring about something healthy for me, my family, etc? I'm really looking for some honest and constructive suggestions here. Help! Please!

Prayer Request

A very close friend of mine just lost her baby. It was a surprise pregnancy, but the parents were warming to the idea of bringing a little one into their home. She was about 10 weeks along (but I have no idea how long ago the baby died).

Please say a prayer for her.

Sorry Folks, and Happy News (not IF related)

I forgot to tell the blogosphere that I would be MIA for the weekend... my most sincere apologies for that.

Grumpy went hunting this weekend, and I went with him to visit some friends of ours. While we were there, we looked at, and bought, a camper!

It's a 1989 24.5' Terry Taurus by Fleetwood. It needs some work, but it's nothing Grumpy & I can't handle, and we got it for an AMAZING price! We've been wanting to get a camper for a few years now, and have just been hoping that the right opportunity would fall into our laps! It finally did!!!

Here are some pics for ya!

Above is a view of the kitchen area (4 burner stove & double sink), and the end of the couch)

Above is our "bedroom" with the couch (that pulls out to about a full size bed) on the left.

Above is a view of the rest of the camper from our "bedroom". On the left is a swivel rocking chair and the dinette set (that also folds down into a bed). On the right is the other end of the couch and the kitchen. All the way in the back is the bathroom (that's the part that needs some work).

I absolutely CANNOT WAIT until next camping season! This fall the camper will be used as hunting camp while Grumpy & his buddy work on the bathroom. It'll come home probably in January, when I'll get to deep clean & scrub the living crap out of it, and then it'll be ALL OURS!!!!

C30, CD1

yup, that's right. I officially had a 32 day cycle, and I o'ed!

so now that we have a better idea that my body IS working, we've got some workin' it to do!

Come out, Come out, wherever you are...

AF is taking her sweet ass time getting here. I know she's coming, since today is my 2nd day of spotting, and my temp came down a little further this morning. I just wish she'd get here already! Especially since we leave for a camping trip tomorrow night, and I'll have limited access to plumbing for the weekend. I've been camping with the red witch before, and let me tell you, it ain't at the top of my list of favorite things to do!

Maybe I should go buy a pregnancy test. That seems to bring her on pretty quickly...


In other news:

I rediscovered my local library yesterday, and I'm in love! I haven't been to the library since high school, haven't even had a library card since then. I had forgotten how much fun it could be!

Well, I take that back. I've always LOVED bookstores. I have often said that I could spend an entire afternoon in a bookstore, just browsing thru the racks. Especially a bookstore with a coffee shop in it! Nothing wrong with mixing a little Mocha with your reading, right?

Unfortunately, my library doesn't have a coffee shop. But, I get to walk out of there with as many books as I want (I checked out 3 yesterday), and I don't have to pay them a dime! $30 afternoon (minimum) at a bookstore, or a FREE afternoon at the local library? Absolutely no contest!

It's Working... It's Really, REALLY Working

ok, so I'm not pregnant this cycle, but that's ok.

I ovulated! At a reasonable time! And am having a *normal* length cycle! WOOFUCKINHOO!!!!

My temp dropped this morning, and I had a wee bit of spotting, so I expect AF to be here later today or tomorrow. That means a 30-31 day cycle, with a 13-14 day luteal phase! Mommy likey!

I've actually allowed myself to get hugely hopeful for next cycle. and I mean HUGELY hopeful. Anytime I let my mind wander, I find myself thinking about how to reduce our debt quickly, and how we can restructure some of our finances so that I can be a PT SAHM, and whether or not Grumpy's Mom would be willing to watch the kiddo a day or 2 a week to help us make that work, and how I want to decorate the nursery, and and and....

It's crazy, I know. Especially since I'm not even IN that cycle yet. I've gotten this worked up before, but at least not until I'm into a 2ww with some potential.

Lord help me keep my sanity for the next month. I'm going to need all I can get my hands on!

And, just to put it out in the universe while I can still do it in an abstract way (since I try my damnedest not to let myself be this insane in the 2ww) : "I hope & wish to be pregnant by the end of 2007".

There, its out there... Now maybe I can get it off my mind for a while, so I can regain just a little of my sanity.

the smoking non-smoker

I admit it, I smoke. I HATE that I do, and I really want to quit. I tried the new miracle drug and it actually worked pretty well. Except for the side effects.... there was the constant nausea, and the dreams?!?!? OMG the psychotic, bad drug trip kind of dreams that I was having! And then I started the Met, and decided that I couldn't handle 2 meds f'ing with my stomach, and well.... I decided the Met was more important.

Excuses? Probably. Us smokers are full of 'em.

But the truth is that I really wish I didn't smoke. I wish I had never picked up that horrid little cancer stick back in 7th grade. I wish I had the willpower to quit now, because I know that I need to. I'm embarrassed of it. So embarrassed that I don't smoke around the majority of my family, and I try to limit myself around my non-smoking friends.

The rest of the truth? Feeling all of that hasn't made it any easier to quit. In fact, the thought of NOT smoking sends me into a state of near panic-attack that can only be calmed by..... you guessed it... a smoke.

So, I will continue to smoke for now. I've always promised myself, and God, and anyone and everyone that will listen, that the moment I find out I'm pregnant, I am DONE. Until then (at least for now), its smoke 'em if ya got 'em.... and I got 'em.

Metformin Revenge

And here I had spent the last month or so thinking that I had finally adjusted to the Met, and gotten beyond the icky side effects. Well, apparently not. It's either Met side effects revisited, or I've got a nasty bug.

Either way, limited sleep, no energy, and multiple daily trips to the bathroom caused me not to temp this morning.

Here's hoping it's better tomorrow...

MaryKay

I don't know if anyone that reads my blog is a MaryKay user looking for a consultant, or if any of you would be interested in learning about the MaryKay business, but in case there is....

I have a good friend that is a Sales Director for MaryKay. You can check out her personal site here if you want to shop, play with the virtual makeover tool, or learn about starting your own MaryKay business.

If you have any questions about the products or the company, you can contact her thru the link above, or thru me. I know a little about the stuff (as a user), but she's definitely the expert.

Oh, and if you do happen to contact her, let her know that you found her thru me, ok? Not because I get anything out of it (I don't), but because sometimes random people showing up thru her site drives her bonkers! She likes to know where her referrals come from!

BTW, I'll be adding a new link category for shopping sites, and I'll be sure to include her link there, as well.

GoodSearch and a brief cycle update

Well, I don't really have anything new to report as far as this cycle goes. I still have my CL, and am now 8dpo, so I'm thinking I actually did ovulate on cd17. As far as the low temps, they're certainly lower than I'd like to see, but I do see a shift there, so I'm willing to go along with it, lol.

You may have noticed that I've whored up my blog with ads for GoodSearch. Here's why...
1) They're an easy to use, yahoo powered search engine
2) They donate 50% of their revenues to charities that THE USERS select (they estimate about $0.01 per search, which doesn't sound like much, but can certainly add up. I think the last time I checked, charities like the American Cancer Society were getting around $500 a year from them).
3) They've unveiled there new shopping portal. Basically, you go thru GoodSearch to many of the web's most popular shopping sites (Amazon.com is coming soon, BestBuy.com is on board, as is Barnes&Noble.com, CircuitCity.com, Overstock.com, etc.). All you do is go to the GoodSearch shopping portal, and then click thru to your favorite retailers site. You still buy direct from the retailer, so there is no concern of a 3rd party handling your order.
4) I'm all about charities benefiting from things the general public does... especially when it's so easy.

And just as an FYI, the GoodSearch links are NOT paid ads on my blog... They made them available, I found them, I believe in what they're doing, so I'm sharing.

So, when you get a chance, go take a look at them. I think it's worth it, and I hope you will, too!

normal cycle?

well, I think I did it. I OVULATED!!! Look Look LOOK!!!

this is the earliest confirmed ovulation I've had in as long as I can remember... quite possibly ever. the down side is that it was so early that it caught us totally unprepared, so we're not really in the game this cycle.

but, lesson learned here. from this point forward, I'm determined for us to not be caught... well... with our pants... UP

infertility & a "healthy" sex life

please tell me we're not the only ones out there feeling like this...

Grumpy & I are, I think, a pretty typical couple when it comes to our sex life. Or, should I say, we've found something that works pretty well for us, typical or not. See, we're a pretty standard "once or twice a week" kind of couple, and we're both good with that.

well, for the last 3 and a half years, we've been told that we have to up that. told by our own common sense, told by my ob/gyn, by the RE, by friends, by everyone that seems to think they know a thing or 2 about making babies. here's where the problems come in:

first, neither one of us are really into "doing what we're told". call us rebels, call us idiots, but that's really the gist of it. I tell him I need him to help me paint the bedroom, he'll instead paint the garage. if he asks me to go grocery shopping, I'll do laundry. it's just the way we roll

then there's the med side effects that we deal with. between the ugly Met side effects (that are MUCH MUCH MUCH better, but still have me feeling a little "off"), and the side effects of some other meds that we're dealing with... well, let's just say it can take some of the "fun" out of things.

and finally, the thing we ALL have to deal with... scheduled "baby making" sex. it's a pain in the ass! (and not in any remotely good way, lol) how do we "get the job done" without feeling like its a job? how are we supposed to comfortably and happily turn our twice a week romps into daily romps for, oh... 10 days straight (courtesy of my irregular ovulation and long cycles)?

I must say, I'm sure that this is a bigger issue for us than for many other folks out there. and I'll admit that I probably make a bigger deal out of it than it has to be (have we noticed yet that I do that sometimes?). But, see... last year, as we were RUNNING down the road towards a divorce, one of the major issues that came up was him feeling like a "sperm donor", and I'm ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED to come anywhere close to territory that may cause those concerns to resurface.

I'm scared to act on what I KNOW we need to do (especially this week, as I approach the cd20 mark, which is when doc & I suspect/hope I might o), when acting on it brings me into very insecure territory.

ugh... sorry for the rambling nonsense folks. I just had to put it out there

Happiness Challenge, Month 1

Well, to be honest, I SUCKED at the challenge this month. I started off ok, but then my life got a little crazy. Between the wacky cycle that looked like it "could've been" but of course wasn't, and the friend with the surprise pregnancy... My heart just wasn't in it.



I will say that I feel like I've pulled myself out of the hole. The depression I was working my way into seems to be behind me now, and I'm working very hard at keeping a "glass is half full" outlook on most of my life. Cause really, my glass is way more than half full. I just need to pull my head outta me ass & remember that!