time for a change?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a lot of blog surfing, and I think I'm at a similar emotional place to a lot of my fellow bloggers out there.

It's really hit home lately that I'm WAY too focused on the "have nots" of my life, rather than the "haves". The obvious example being the kids we want desperately, and don't yet have. But sadly, my focus doesn't stop there.

I'm constantly wrapped up in my own little world of negative thoughts. Thinking about the debt we are going to have a hell of a time getting out of, or the house that I don't really want to be in anymore, or the job that I can't stand but feel completely stuck in, the fact that 75% of my closest friends live out of state and I don't get to see them nearly enough, and the list goes on & on & on & ON.

But what about the amazing husband that I do have, and the fact that if I let him, he makes me laugh, every single day. And not just polite little chuckles, but big hearty guffaws that come straight from the depths of my soul.

And that debt? Sure, its a mess. But we've been here before, and pulled ourselves out of it. And that money was spent on 1) starting the business, 2) improvements around the house, 3) a couple of vacations that we DESPERATELY needed, and 4) some "had to do" things, like the dog's surgery and some pretty major car repairs. We've overspent, but not frivolously. And we can, and WILL, turn it around.

The house... well, honestly, it'll never be my ideal. But I really do take comfort in knowing that even in this horrid Michigan economy, if one of us lost our job, the other CAN make the mortgage payment. We'll have to make some sacrifices, do without some things for a while, but we will have that roof over our heads, food on the table, and all the other necessities. Sadly, many of my fellow Michiganders don't have that same peace of mind. And that alone is worth FAR MORE to me than having the cute little 4 bedroom ranch with remodeled kitchen & 2.5 baths... and even more than the 5 bedroom house on 25 acres with a 2000 sq ft pole barn that is our "someday dream house". We'll get there some day, but right now... right now we're safe.

The job is, well, the job. Its got it's struggles, like any job does. Granted, this one comes with it's own unique set of difficulties, but I came back to it for a reason. Working for family does have its perks, especially once the kiddos DO decide to make their long awaited appearance. See, I figure its got to be pretty tough for the boss to get mad about you missing work for a sick kid, when that sick kid is his grandchild. There's logic there, see it? All in due time, it'll all be worth the hassle.

I wish with everything I have that I could spend more "in person" time with friends. But you know what? I'm pretty blessed to have so many people that care so much about me, and that I feel are sisters to me. And beyond that, I've got some really nice future vacation spots, and all I have to do is pay for the plane ticket!

So see, I think it's time I stopped acting like the spoiled little brat whining about wanting what I don't have. We WILL be parents, that WILL happen for us. I don't know when or how, but IT WILL HAPPEN! I honestly don't think I can take my focus off of that one specific "have not", but the rest of the list? Screw it... the rest of that "have not" list is bullshit, and I've given it far too much attention for far too long. Time to change it up a bit, and remind myself of how truly blessed I really am.