Monday, September 10, 2007

This Damn Roller Coaster

I hate Roller Coasters.... Thrill rides of all shape & size, to be exact. I'll gladly spend a day at a theme park with friends, I'll even ride some of the more tame rides, and I'll have a helluva good time in the process. But the roller coasters? Nope, no way, not gonna happen. Gimme all your stuff, have fun, I'll meet you at the exit!

That leaves me trying to figure out how exactly I manage to keep climbing on this roller coaster. This emotional journey of ups & downs, and breath-taking turns at Mach speeds. For some reason, this damn roller coaster has me addicted. Just look at my recent posts... I go from Time in the Hole, to The Happiness Challenge, to being giddy/nervous/downright terrified about a potential pregnancy that I knew had no real chance of happening.

I'm a pretty logical chick, or at least I like to think so. My head knew damn well that I wasn't going to get pregnant this cycle, and that I needed to be thrilled that the Met had made me ovulate. That needed to be enough... hell, it should be enough! But nope, somehow this morning I woke up with the realization that I was somewhere in the 14-17dpo range, and my temp had actually gone UP?!?!? This doesn't happen to me. My temp starts its nose dive by 12dpo, and I'm LUCKY to make it to 14dpo before I'm on to the next cycle.

So, I went from being thrilled with the fact that I had o'ed (I really was, just look at that post last week), to honestly believing I had a shot this cycle. How did I make the transition? It was that damn Miss Hope that Nancy talks about, and let me tell you, I'd love to strangle that bitch! (Miss Hope, not Nancy! smooches Nancy!)

And of course it wasn't enough to just hope for a shot at the ever-coveted prize. Nooooooooooooooo, not for this girl. Instead, I had full on panic-attack, trying to figure out how we were going to get out of the debt we've managed to accumulate over the last year, what the hell would we do about child care, I really need to start eating healthier, we have to decide where to move the cat's food & litterbox as that room will be the nursery, and on and on and on this insanity went.

Did I mention that I can mentally jump from Point A to Point Q in 3.5 seconds? It might be an entertaining little show to watch, but it's not a fun way to live.

Back on the damn roller coaster... that I despise... and yet, even after 3+ years of it, I still jump on it every chance I get.


nancy said...

What. The. Hell.

Okay, even if you O'd on the last possible day of missing temps (cd23), you'd be 15dpo today. You tested at "14dpo" but not FMU. So what the hell, test again with FMU tomorrow.

But, in looking at your regular temps, which are in the 96.8-97.4 range normally, these "post o" temps we are looking at cd24 and on, are not that much higher. So maybe you are 2dpo today. Have you tried putting in another 97.9+ temp tomorrow and see if you have coverlines on cd36?

nancy said...

oh yes, I see the shift totally. I was just throwing out some ideas.

Tigger said...

I totally get the roller coaster. Even know that we aren't trying. If my cycles reach 27 days, I test...even though I keep telling myself to wait for CD30. Testing is also bound to bring AF to my door in less than a day. :)

I also go from Point A to Point Q in 3.5 seconds. It's how I deal with things. Once I get that out of my system, I'm good. :)

Here's hoping that you have attained the coveted prize. I know the test yesterday was BFN, but you know better than to test in the middle of the day. :) It could also be that your bean is a slow producer. Not trying to give you false hope, just pointing out things you may have forgotten. Fingers crossed! OH! And my verification word? Begins with HCG. Fate?

nancy said...

what? you had a faint + ???

Wen782 said...

Help, please... have you peed on anything that makes lines, lately? Did I miss it? I'm just jumping in line, here. :)