Friday, May 29, 2009

Floating?

I feel like I should be working towards something, but instead, I'm just kind of... floating?

The last several years have been spent fighting towards one goal or another... the wedding, trying to get pregnant, trying to stay married (that one was tough), trying to get our finances in order. Constantly working towards something that I had deemed "better" than where I was.

Yes, there are things I still want for my life - changes to make, goals to reach.

But, right now? I'm feeling this strange contentment to just.... be.

I'm still working towards financial stability, and I still want to be a mom, and I still want my marriage to be stronger, my house to be cleaner, my body to be healthier, blah blah blah. And I really am working towards all of those things, on some level. But instead of frenzied LEAPS or big giant spreadsheet lists, I seem to be taking baby steps, and making small changes, and shifting priorities and habits in little tiny ways.

I'm not really sure when the change happened, or what brought it on. But this feels more stable, more attainable, and a whole hell of a lot less chaotic.

And I really have no idea why I decided to write this post, or what I'm trying to say in it. I guess I just needed to put this out there? Send it into the universe? Remind myself that it's ok to just be.

And as a somewhat related side note, my brain seems to have fallen back to my most recent mantra, one that was able to help me get centered during my most ugly times. It's simple, and short, but helps reel me in when my mind wants to go to the crazy. The weird thing is, I find my mind just falling to it naturally, instead of seeking it out as a touchstone to calm myself.

Anyway, the mantra:

Patience, grace, strength, and peace, Lord
{grant me} Patience, grace, strength, and peace.

5 Comments:

Lavender Luz said...

I think it's helpful to aim for both opposing ideas.

1. Accept and love what IS (the contentment you describe)

and

2. Continue to grow and work toward some ideal.

Beautiful mantra, Beth.

Kaci said...

Baby steps are so much easier than giant leaps. Glad you're floating along content.

Beautiful Mess said...

Great mantra! If getting it out helps you then absolutely do it! It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, as long as when you're done you feel better! It is OK to be be. That means you are making decisions and working on things that need to be worked on in the NOW. You're doing a great job! Keep it up!
*HUGS*

Becky said...

Sometimes our minds/bodies get tired of fighting all the time and do just decide to chill out. Try to enjoy it.

Lindsey said...

I just found your blog through the blog list at Stirrup Sisters. (I was just added too). Anyway, I am so glad I did, because I feel like really are going through the same things right now. I am dealing with finances, etc. and I was just meant to read your mantra. Thank you! Putting you in my reader right now!