Is it possible?

Could I actually be working my way to being comfortable - gasp - in my own skin?!?!

I've spent a LOT of years putting on a show, for family, for friends, for co-workers, and for strangers. The Grumps knows ME, as do a handful of really trusted friends. But all too often, I find myself trying to be the version of me that _____ would want me to be.

Worse... when I haven't had it in me to be that version, I've just completely disengaged.

I've certainly made some mistakes over the years, and I KNOW that I've made choices that my family didn't approve of. And for a long time, that really bothered me, and I felt the need to make up for it, to earn their approval.

***Let me pause here, and say that all of that disapproval was ALL ME... my family, even when they don't agree with the things I do, are always (or at least most of them) supportive of me.***

But somehow, over the last few weeks/months, I've noticed a change. When before, I was absolutely terrified to have people over (my house is too small, not clean enough, the furniture is old, the carpet is stained, blah blah blah), recently I've welcomed unexpected visitors with open arms, and without panic.

I'm PLANNING ways to have friends and family come visit at MY house... dinner parties, out of town house guests, girls sleep-over with some of my younger cousins... and I'm EXCITED, about people BEING IN MY HOUSE.

If I stop to think too much about it, I get a little panicky. But, if I can stay focused on going with the flow, the flow seems a whole lot less terrifying than it used to.

Very strange indeed, this maturity thing. Perhaps I'm getting used to it?