That Old Familiar Feeling

It used to be a constant, dull ache that wasn't usually noticed, but never really went away, either. Silly me had gotten almost confident enough to say that for now, I've gotten beyond it.

And then?

Then that stupid bitch that is infertility sucker punched me in the gut.

I was getting our dinner ready on Saturday when there was a knock at the door. It's back to school season, which - at least in our neighborhood - means door-to-door fundraising season. The magazine subscriptions are easy to refuse, and we can usually manage to not "sign up" for anything. But, the Grumps and I both have a sweet tooth, so those overpriced candy bars are hard to say no to, especially when the seller is about the cutest little nervously grinning kid you've ever seen!

So, Grumps opens the door, agrees to buy some candy, and goes in search of singles (those kids NEVER have change, and we DO NOT NEED $20 worth of candy bars, nor are we rolling in it in ways that would allow me to have the kiddo "keep the change"), leaving the front door open enough for the Kaylah girl to wedge her furry little head out to see the kids.

And oh the squeals! of delight! and excitement!

Grumps, being the softy that he is, immediately opens the door so that Kaylah can go visit with her newest fan club members (we actually have kids in the neighborhood that come over to ask if she can come out and play). He then steps outside with her to chat with the mom and 3 kids that are now fighting over "who Kaylah loves the most".

Almost an hour later, he finally makes it back inside with a VERY TIRED PUPPY. And all I could think was that it should be OUR fucking kids that our dog is so excited to play with. Why the FUCK isn't it our kids?

Fucking sucker punch!