I've been thinking about it off & on for years, but pretty consistently over the last few months.
I have a family history on both Mom & Dad's sides, and have all the textbook symptoms (short of suicidal thoughts).
Part of me thinks it's time to suck it up and try to get some medicinal help. But the other part of me - the outrageously stubborn part - insists that I have a LOT going on right now, and not much of it is bright & cheery & sunny & happy. If there was ever a time in my life that situational depression would be justified... well, right now seems to top the list.
BUT - I've been like this consistently for 3 months now. I *usually* make it to work (late), and fake my way through most of my day. I go home exhausted, sleep for a few hours, eat something, veg in front of the tv (or laptop), and go back to bed. Repeat daily Mon - Thur (with a Dad visit thrown in the mix 1 or 2 times). The weekends are about the same, obviously missing work - but throwing in much more sleep.
I don't call friends, I don't see people, I don't engage, I don't clean my house, I only do laundry when it NEEDS to be done (and then only 1 load, just to get us through). I go grocery shopping, but end up throwing a significant portion of the fresh food out, either because I don't cook, or I don't get it in the freezer before it spoils. My garden has been taken over by weeds and tomatoes that are rotting on the vine.
So tell me - Do I need to suck it up? Or is it time to get some medicinal help?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008