Monday, November 2, 2009

10 Weeks?

That's where the calendar says I'm at. 10 weeks pregnant. If that's not the most surreal thing I've ever typed here, I don't know what is.

I'm discovering another problem with my infertility experience. I'm not suggesting this is a problem EVERYONE would encounter. Just one that I am, and I'm struggling with it. So, I figure if I am, someone else may, too. And this whole community thing is supposed to be about sharing experiences and all that, so here goes.

My 5 and a half years of infertility and one BIG, GIANT EFFECT (well, one that is bothering me NOW, anyway), and that is it allowed me to over romanticize the whole notion of pregnancy.

Granted, I did get to take the surprise test, and make the surprise announcements. And, truth be told, that was pretty "sunshine and roses and fairy-tale-esque" (I'm gagging myself, so I'm sorry).

But, in those 65 ish months of trying, of WANTING this, I was able to completely gloss over the possibility that IF I were to get pregnant, perhaps I would be one of those women that pregnancy wouldn't agree with.

And - it turns out - I am.

I'm not violently ill or anything. I'm still able to work (most of the time, a full day, too). I completely and fully recognize that it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.

I also recognize that I am sounding like one of those ungrateful bitches that we all love to bash, but dammit, its my blog, and I'll whine if I want to.

I guess the best way I can explain my symptoms is that it's like I've been on the verge of some kind of stomach virus.... for 5 weeks now. I'm tired and achey (and whiney!) and nauseated, and feel like I should never ever be more than about 5 steps away from a place that I could "shout groceries" in private. Fortunately there hasn't been a whole lot of actual grocery shouting, but to feel on the verge - all the damn time - is a less than ideal way to live.

Gah... waaaah waaaah bitch bitch moan moan... I'm tired of writing this, I can't imagine how sick you are of reading it.

Preggo-bitch, Out!


Life. Complicated. said...

I am right there with you! SO wanted this to happen and now so would like morning/all day sickness/tiredness to be gone. But hey, I hear, the 2nd tri is a lot better. At least that is what is holding me up.

Celia said...

GET OUT! Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

For some reason, with both Lemy and this pregnancy 10-12 weeks were AWFUL for me. I had morning sickness with both, but it ampted up right then and finally got better around 13-14 weeks. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that it does the same for you because that icky feeling is!


Soapchick said...

I hope the MS/All day S subsides soon, and yes this is your blog, so please feel free to write with total honestly. I for one am totally thrilled for you!!

Lavender Luz said...

I secretly fear I would not have been a good pregnant lady.

Maybe it's better not knowing.

I like that you can be honest and not all "shiny happy preggo."

Geohde said...

Ah it's okay. I whined far far more in my first trimester, and I don't really get any nausea.


nancy said...

You are so very lucky to not have it worse and so very lucky to have enough that you don't have to worry about "lack of symptoms". :)

I'm so happy for you Beth.

mrs. fuzz said...

Hi Beth- I noticed you following the other day and came over to say *hi*. I've read through many of your posts and I really enjoy your writing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I know everyone probably has a story for you of someone they know, but here's mine. My sister tried for 10 years to get pregnant. Finally happened. Bed rest and vomiting pretty much the entire pregnancy. Even vomiting during delivery. Doesn't make much sense after 10 years of the grief and pain of trying though. She was able to conceive once more and same thing. She said she feels guilty for hating being pregnant because wanting to be pregnant nearly ruined her life.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

Kaci said...

Mrs. Fuzz said "She said she feels guilty for hating being pregnant because wanting to be pregnant nearly ruined her life."

Awww...I hate hearing that anyone feels guilty about stuff like that. But notice that even though she hated it she was willing to do it again ;)

I'm hoping it gets better!

Bea said...

Shout groceries. That's a new one. To me. Hopefully, you are nearing the end of that stretch. A lot of people find the 2nd trimester smoother sailing.


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Anonymous said...

I guess the things we think we want don't always turn out the way we want them. If you know what I mean.

Maybe it's just presumptuous of us to assume things are supposed to work out the way we want them to in the first place.

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sshockley said...

Try tea or anything containing ginger to settle your stomach. Of course drink plenty of water and take your vitamins. A diet high in vitamins is also good to fight the fatigue, but if you do all of this and find you are still tired and achey," rest is best." The body's immune system works best during sleep, so you need to rest so that you and the baby can both be healthy. Pregnancy takes alot from your body to give to the baby so put as much good stuff in as possible and rest as much as possible so that the baby does not "strip" YOU of nutrients. ;) My name is Stephanie Shockley and I have 3 children. All of which I endured terrible morning sickness, and lots of fatigue!! Feel free to ask me anything :D

Soapchick said...

How are you doing Beth?

Lisa Marsh said...

What a wonderful surprise after 5 years, and inspiring to the women who are on the verge of giving up TTC. However, there's no old wive's tale that I know of that says if you were infertile and go on to conceive, you will have an easy pregnancy. I certainly didn't. I had to give up my favorite drink and coffee shop fixation, as even the smell of coffee made me gag.
Complain all you want about the injustice of it all. No one who's been there will think less of you. Certainly not me.