Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Oh, the Choices

Well, not choices - more like choice.

I saw Dr. Voodoo yesterday for my follow-up appointment to the HSG (which he again confirmed came back fine, no worries with my tubes).

But then he asked if I wanted to give Clomid a try.


Yes, I do.

But, no - I don't.

I want kids, we want kids.

But is now really the time?

But, is there ever really a good time?

OK, but now is a potentially BAD time.

But, if we're not going to do this - I mean really DO this, than why the hell did I have surgery last year? And why did I go through 6 months of Lupron treatments?

But really - our finances are precarious at best (tho we're making it - some months I haven't the foggiest idea how, but we are).

But, again... I don't want last year to be a waste. And I'm WELL AWARE that Clomid is the teeny tiniest little step into "treatment". So teeny tiny that I honestly have a hard time even referring to it as treatment, but it is the next logical step for us. And the longer we put off doing something, the greater the chance that the endo will return severely enough that I'll need another surgery to clean it out.

But, Grumps and I agreed that we'd take the next 2 years and focus on him getting through school, while we both attempt to side hussle as much cash as we can to keep the overall financial picture improving (which, somehow, it is).

So, I told Dr Voodoo that although we weren't preventing a pregnancy, I wasn't really sure that this was the best time for us to actively seek one out. I told him that I'd need to talk to Grumps about it, and asked what kind of time frame we were looking at. Fortunately, he said that if we decide to give Clomid a whirl within the next month or 2, he can give me the script with just a phone call. Beyond that, he'd want to see me again before writing it.

I mentioned it briefly to the Grumps last night. I asked him to give it some thought, and told him that I will be doing the same. I figure sometime over the next week or so we'll need to sit down and have a conversation about it.

Part of me thinks it would be a good idea to figure out how I feel about it before we talk. But... well... that italicized part up there - that runs through my head about 400 times an hour.


Beautiful Mess said...

Lots of questions and things to think about. Think about it and talk to Grumps and you two will come to a conclusion. You're handling it well, keep up the good work!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

There is definitely a lot to think about. I think its a great idea to really think about what you want to do separately and then come together to discuss what you're going to do. Good luck with your decision! ((HUGS))

Kaci said...

I think it's good you can take some time to think about it, and Grumpy can take some time to think about, and then y'all can talk it out. There's no right or wrong answer here. (((hugs))) and good luck.

Lori said...

I think one of the toughest things about IF is figuring out WHAT to do and WHEN. You just hope hope hope you are making the best decision at every step.

Wishing for you clear guidance.

Soapchick said...

Can't wait to hear how the converation goes (or went). Big decisions.

Coming2Terms said...

The tyranny of choice...it's never easy to sort out these big life questions.

Bea said...

Definitely difficult decisions. If only there was more certainty around. You are being sensible in going slowly with your thoughts, though.


Anonymous said...

I'm hugging you right now. It's a hard choice to make but I'm confident that the two of you will work it out. In all of this you've had a strong marriage and that's a huge blessing. Whatever you decide to do, it's not written in stone. You can always change your mind if going another way starts to feel right. KWIM?