Wordless Wednesday, Sad Kitty

My poor lil puddin' pie just didn't want to give up his Christmas tree.

The Non-Plan Plan

In response to Nancy's comment on my last post, I suppose I should fill you all in on the details of the current plan.............................

































That's right, there isn't one.

I have Met refills that will get me until mid-April, which happens to be the end of my insane season at work. For now, I'll continue to take the Met, just in case it DOES decide to work, and I DO decide to ovulate, and perhaps MAYBE, I MIGHT get pregnant. (Can you see me rolling my eyes at that insanity?)

I figure around the 1st of April, I'll call the new RE (got a referral from a friend who LOVED this woman), and see about the whole new patient intake process, and then figure it out from there.

So, as you can see, I'm in the midst of one of those oh so lovely infertility waiting games. Except that this will be a long one.

The Non-Update Update

I'm on cd39 of ANOTHER anovulatory cycle. As frustrating as it is to go thru ANOTHER one of these, I'm trying really hard to just accept it. Because really, there isn't anything I can do about it.

I've managed to keep my thoughts busy with lots of other things for the last few days. Fortunately, we're starting to get busy at work, I've been working on my resolutions, Grumpy & I got quite a bit done over the weekend, and I have a pretty busy week ahead of me.

But when I let my mind quiet a bit, it always seems to fall back to the anger and frustration of a body that refuses to do what it's supposed to. A body that seems to take great delight in defying the laws of nature. A body that seems completely incapable of doing the 1 thing that it's sole purpose should be, and that is produce a life beyond mine. Those frustrations lead down the path to the "I'm broken" guilt, and the "What Have We Done to Deserve This" questions. And let's not forget each and every time I think about what a wonderful father my husband would be, and yet, I can't seem to make that happen.

And then I GET PISSED RIGHT THE FUCK OFF.

So it's probably better I keep my thoughts occupied elsewhere.

Resolutions

I'm generally a non-believer in the mystical quality of the New Year's Resolution. You know, the idea that you go to bed your (hopefully) drunken self on New Year's Eve, and wake up the next morning this incredibly together, new & improved version of that person. It's not flipping a switch, folks. You're still you, and the only way you're going to change is to work at it, consistently, over the long haul.

I have, however, decided that there are some specific things I want to work on this year, so I figured I could let you all in on it. Then I have some accountability, and I might actually GET SOME OF IT DONE. Will wonders never cease?

So, in an effort to gradually become a "new & improved" version of me (no silly switch-flipping here, folks):

In 2008, I resolve to get healthier. To accomplish this, I will:

• Exercise at least 3 times per week, shooting for 5.
• Cook dinner at home at least 3 times per week, shooting for 5.
• Get in my 3 healthy meals a day (this will help me stay on track with my Metformin dosage, too).
• Shoot for no more than 1 fast food dinner per week, including the inevitable $5 Hot & Ready pizza night.
• Pack lunches for work at least twice a week.
• When I do have to grab lunch & eat at my desk, I will opt for a salad more often than not.
• Quit smoking.
• Shop at least twice per month (from April thru November) at the local farmer's market.

In 2008, I resolve to be more financially responsible. To accomplish this, I will:

• Look at the checkbook & bills at least twice a week, even if I know there are no bills due (or no money to pay them).
• Cook dinner at home 3 times per week, shooting for 5.
• Work with the GrumpyOne on a real budget (or at least a debt pay-off plan) that we both agree too, and is reasonable to live by.
• Clip coupons for groceries.
• Shop at least twice per month at the local farmer's market.
• Put at least 1 item per month for sale on eBay or Craigslist.
• Get in to the class that the boss has wanted me to take for years. Perhaps if I stop fighting it, and get it done, I'll get a raise!?!

In 2008, I resolve to be more organized. To accomplish this, I will:

• Get a better filing system for the bills.
• Clean out closets on a regular basis by always having an active donation bag going.
• Spend at least 30 minutes every day doing housework.
• Put away laundry as I wash it.
• Put at least 1 item per month for sale on eBay or Craigslist.
• Eat dinner at the dining room table when we eat at home, rather than in front of the tv.

In 2008, I resolve to live a little more green. To accomplish this, I will:

• Dig out the recycling tub from the garage, and USE IT.
• Turn off lights in rooms that we're not in.
• Stop using the tv as background noise.
• Only run the dishwasher when it's full Full FULL. This may require hand-washing more of the larger items, but I'm up for the challenge.
• Actively work to reduce our home heating & cooling usage. Plastic will go up on the windows during the winter so that we can turn down the furnace a little more. The air conditioners will get set a few degrees higher, and will not get turned on on the days that they aren't really needed.
• Work towards using our most fuel efficient vehicle every time we go out. (This would be the car in the winter, and the motorcycle during the riding months.)
• Attempt a vegetable garden, even if it's only a couple of tomato plants.
• Eat dinner at the dining room table when we eat at home, rather than in front of the tv.

In 2008, I resolve to be more adventurous. To accomplish this, I will:

• Try 1 new item every time I go grocery shopping.
• Try at least 2 new recipes every month.
• Get my ass on the back of the motorcycle more often.
• Get to the shooting range with the GrumpyOne at least 6 times throughout the year.

In 2008, I resolve to be more kind to myself. To accomplish this, I will:

• Spend more time with my friends & family.
• Take the dog for a walk at least twice a week (weather permitting).
• Make the time & effort to enjoy my husband and our marriage.
• Have at least 1 bonfire per week during "patio weather", so that we enjoy our home, our yard, our patio, and our fire pit.
• Always have at least 1 book checked out of the library, and MAKE TIME to read them on the 1st checkout, without having to renew them.
• Remember that all of the above are guidelines. It's ok if I slip & fall from time to time, and there is no reason to beat myself up over it for days on end.

That's where I'm at right now. I know that it's a long list... but a year is a long time. And I figure that I won't be actively working on it all at the same time. I'll pick a couple of things to start with, and add on something else as those things become routine.

I noticed as I was typing this up that many of the items fall under several of the resolutions. Maybe this will help me to stay on track a little more? Maybe it's just a more unified attempt to make these changes?

I plan to also do a regular blog "checkup" of sorts on all of this. I don't know if it'll be in snippet form (guess what, since I started this post, I've already reorganized the bill filing system!), or if I'll do a full on, point by point, monthly update. Time will tell, I guess.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday, Road Trip!

The Kaylah Girl and The Stoney Boy (my Mom's dog). That's 150lbs of dog smooshed into the extended cab of an F-150. Aren't they cute!?!