Resolutions - Jan 08

I figured the end of the month seemed a reasonable time to give a public progress report on where I stand with my resolutions. Want to see the big long original post? You can check it out here.

Now, as for my progress:

• Get healthier: This one isn't going so hot. I have gotten MUCH better about cooking dinner at home (probably averaging 4 or 5 nights a week). Haven't started any exercise yet, can't shop at the Farmer's Market yet, and I'm still a smoker.
  
• Be more financially responsible: Again, got the cooking at home thing down and going well. I'm looking at the bills more regularly, and we have some vague idea of a debt payoff plan (or at least which creditors are getting our tax refund). I didn't get anything up on eBay or Craigslist this month, but I have sorted out some things I want to get there.
  
• Be more organized: Yeah, well... um - it's getting there. I do have the bills in a much more organized system. I have found the dining room table, and we're even Using It.... TO EAT ON most nights when we're home. Oh, and I do always have an open donation bag. I cleaned out a drawer or 2 a couple of weeks ago, and went thru some shoes. I also have a pile of stuff in the basement (clean laundry) that can be donated. A phone call is all it will take to get that stuff out of our house.
  
• Live a little more green: Not doing so good here. I found the recycling tub, but it's in the garage loft, and full of firewood. We do eat at the table with the TV turned off. I have lessened the time I use the TV as background noise, and am trying to get better at unplugging things when they aren't in use (like my laptop and cell phone charger). None of it is "habit" yet, but it is happening more frequently. Oh, and as light bulbs burn out, we're replacing them with the fancy-schmancy spiral more energy efficient ones.
  
• Be more adventurous: Not doing so great with the "try new groceries" thing, as I'm trying to reduce our food spending. I've probably picked up some new stuff outside of our usual favorites, but more in the spirit of trying a generic brand or frugal alternative, rather than being adventurous. I have tried 2 new recipes this month... 1 was a meatloaf recipe that neither of us cared for, and the other resulted in this blog post. Grumpy & I both really liked the sound of that recipe, so I'll be giving it another shot, probably in Feb.
  
• Be more kind to myself: I think I'm doing ok here. I am following some of the specific guidelines I outlined, and because of it, I think many of my personal relationships have gotten stronger. I think I had 1 library book this month, but haven't yet gotten back to get another one. Soon, I hope.

And that's where I stand. As I've said before (here and here), things are a little crazy for us right now, with no real sign of letting up in the near future. I'm trying to base my decisions around my resolutions when I can, but sometimes it's simply not an option. And that is where those last 2 resolutions become so important. My role right now - my priority - is to support Grumpy through this time. Everything else on my agenda - both in the day to day and the somewhat long term - has to come secondary to that. And as long as I maintain that thought in the forefront of my mind, I think I will be able to make the right decisions for my family. And really, what more can I hope for right now?

guilt

The GrumpyOne and I first started dating when I was 18, and he was 23. Yes, I do tease him about being a dirty old man. About 2 months after our first date, I moved into his house. About 3 months later, he proposed.

I laughed at that proposal. I still laugh at it. I think he was nuts! Hell, we both were! But at the tender age of 18, even though I loved him, and knew then that I would likely walk down the aisle with him, there was no way I was ready to make that commitment.

3 years later, he proposed again. This time though, we had talked about it... a lot! We had gone ring shopping, had even purchased my engagement ring and our wedding bands. The deal we made was that I'd take the pressure of picking out the ring off of him, but he had to surprise me with the proposal.

It took us another THREE AND A HALF YEARS to walk down the aisle. We hemmed & hawed, we planned & tossed those plans, we dreaded the 400 person wedding we "should" have, but we feared the family fall-out if we hopped a plane to Vegas. And then it hit us. The plan for our perfect wedding. So we planned, and pulled together the wedding that WE wanted, in all of 3 months time.

Unfortunately, in those 3 short months, Grumpy's grandmother passed away. We both grew up with our grandparents being a very integral part of our daily life, and the idea that he would be the only one of his cousins or siblings that wouldn't have Grandma at his wedding.... it was heartbreaking.

Although neither one of us jumped into the wedding planning sooner than we actually ended up doing it, I feel absolutely terrible. Did I drag my feet too long, and prevent him from having his Grandma see him walk down the aisle? He's never ever blamed me for this, never even suggested it. But still, the nagging guilt is there.

And now, with his mother's current health situation, his (our) children may very well be the only ones in the family to never know their Grandmother.

Thank you infertility, for adding another heaping helping of guilt on to my already over-flowing emotional plate.

CD1 & prayer request

as usual, buying & using an expensive HPT brought on AF. oh well, I still have my gyno appt for Friday, and I still haven't had a "normal" cycle since September (others in between were really light), so I still need somebody trying to figure out what's going on.

Grumpy's Mom isn't doing any better, so please, keep praying for her.

In an attempt to focus on something more positive...

Have you signed up for your Ebates account yet? I just logged in to my account, and found that my Big Fat Check is up to $15.75!

Looks like my *almost Free Old Navy Tank Tops are really going to be FREE! Woohoo!!!

What are you waiting for? Go sign up!

negative

and that's all there is to say about that